"Tooth Fairy," starring Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, isn't the disaster the various previews would have you believe. It's not a great kids movie by any means but it's not so bad that it's unwatchable. In fact, there's a potentially pretty dang decent kids movie lurking in there somewhere, if only the director, the usually competent Michael Lembeck (he directed the last two "The Santa Clause" movies), had understood that a goofy kids movie really can't be any longer than ninety minutes.
Anything longer than that is likely to have several instances where the movie drags on more than it should, which is exactly what happens in "Tooth Fairy." "Tooth Fairy" stars The Rock as Derek Thompson, a minor league hockey star that's famous for hitting guys on the ice so hard that they lose teeth (hence his nickname "The Tooth Fairy"). He's such a noted bad ass within minor league hockey that he has an easy chair with his name on it in the penalty box.
He also has a penchant for telling his young fans that they should never strive to be high achievers because, odds are, they'll fail (maybe Thompson's other nickname is "Mr. Sociology"). In short, he's a big meanie. Thompson doesn't try to be a big meanie with his girlfriend's children Tess (Destiny Grace Whitlock) and Randy (Chase Ellison.
Oh, Thompson's girlfriend is Carly as played by Ashley Judd), but it tends to come through anyway (Thompson almost lets it slip to the very young Tess that the Tooth Fairy, the magical fairy that gives you money for your lost teeth, isn't real, but Carly stops him). Because of this lack of tack with children's dreams, not to mention a total lack of belief in the power of dreams period, Thompson is summoned by the "Department of Dissemination of Disbelief," a sort of fairy organization that oversees the fairy world (which apparently includes leprechauns). While there, Thompson meets Lily (Julie Andrews), the head of the "DDD" and learns that he will have to be an actual tooth fairy for several weeks as punishment. If he fails to complete every tooth fairy assignment or tells anyone about the fairy world Thompson will become a tooth fairy forever. Now, Thompson, as you'd expect, isn't too thrilled with this predicament (he actually thinks it's all a big ass weird dream at first) because it will interfere with his love life and his hockey career. Carly wants him to bond with her children, especially Randy, and there's a new wunderkind punk player on his team, Mick Donnelly (Ryan Sheckler), that could steal his spot on the team. Whenever the DDD calls him to do a tooth fairy job, regardless of where he is, he must go and complete it. Even with the help and guidance of his DDD handler Tracy (Stephen Merhcant) Thompson screws up his first couple of assignments, causing his tooth fairy commitment to be extended even longer. This extension just makes Thompson's life harder.
He eventually figures out how to find the time to do everything that he needs to do, but does he ever learn the value of dreams? I'm not going to deliberately give you the answer to that question, but since this is a movie from the fine folks at Walden Media you know going in that there will be a happy ending and that the right lesson will be learned by everyone in the movie. It's just a given. You'll just wish that the movie got to the point faster. That's what really harms the movie, its lack of tightness. There are too many longer than necessary conversations between Johnson and the other cast members, especially Merchant's Tracy. I'm guessing they're in thee because someone thinks the snippy, back and forth quipfests are funny. They are funny for about a minute. Everything after that is just overkill. There are also way too many instances of Johnson staring at the camera, staring at other characters, and smiling for no apparent reason. There's just no need for most of it.
It's almost like the movie that was released is a pretty okay second draft that needs more cutting and fine tuning to get perfect (sort of like what the people behind the "Naked Gun" movies did, cut out the jokes and bits that are not that funny to leave room for the jokes and bits that kill). Lembeck needed to be much more ruthless in the editing. A tighter feel to the movie also would have helped mask some of the cheaper and cheesier aspects of the movie, mostly the bits in Julie Andrews' fairy office. Slickness helps with movies like this. The flick's hockey scenes are well staged (the game announcers could have been a tad more lively but they're good enough). The special effects outside of the fairy world work, especially the shrinking paste and invisibility spray bits. The movie also doesn't overload itself with music montages (the movie only has one). The movie could have used a little more music throughout to help move the story along, but the George S. Clinton created score is nimble and whimsical and will make you smile (it made me smile several times). And the performances, by and large, are good. The Rock fares a little better here than you'd expect.
He manages to sell the scenes where he's forced to wear a pink tutu and he has relatively good back and forth charisma with Judd, Merchant, and Andrews (more on Judd in a second). He's funny most of the time, he can handle serious drama if he has to (he's not an expert at it but he gets the job done), and he's generally fun to watch. The Rock's best scenes, though, are the scene where he tells the kid with the frizzy hair that he shouldn't follow his dream of becoming a pro hockey player because he'll probably fail at it (this scene is freaking hilarious), his interaction with Billy Crystal, who plays a kind of fairy "Q" (the amnesia dust), and his interaction with the shifty fairy Ziggy (Seth MacFarlane) who peddles black market fairy supplies. If only Lembeck had cut some of the Rock's "riffs." Some of his scenes, again, just go on too long. Ashley Judd is pretty decent as Carly, the Rock's girlfriend. She's very believable as a concerned mother, and she does have a certain chemistry with the Rock that makes you think they could be a couple (she knows to be cute and cuddly and sexy. It's all in the smile). But at times Judd looks way older than the Rock and it's kind of weird. Why is it weird? Because Judd doesn't give off that "cougar" vibe that makes older woman-younger man relationships in movies work. And the Rock, try as he might, really can't play older. He may be thirty six (which isn't old but it's not twenty-five, either) and his Thompson character may be somewhat broken down and washed up, but it doesn't come off that way. Either she's robbing the cradle or he's settling for the somewhat sexy older woman with two kids because that's all he could get.
I personally like the way Judd looks in this movie. Her husband, Dario Franchitti, is a very lucky man. Stephen Merchant's Tracy is another character hurt by the lack of tight editing. If Merchant were unfunny his scenes would be excruciating. Luckily he is funny so it all works out. Ryan Sheckler manages to make hip and edgy young hockey superstar Mick Donnelly a total douchebag, which is what he's supposed to do. I would have liked to have seen one more scene between him and the Rock as they have a good adversarial chemistry. Both of Carly's children, Destiny Grace Whitlock and Chase Ellison, do a fine job. Whitlock is cute, and Ellison's Randy isn't annoying, and that's always a plus when it comes to young tweenish characters that have a chip on their shoulders. And then there's Julie Andrews as the head fairy Lily. She's one of the few actors in the world that can make wearing gigantic wings look dignified. She's simply fabulous as Lily. There isn't a false note in her performance. You really believe that she's the head of a fairy organization. She never looks ridiculous. Great performance.
"Tooth Fairy" still needs some work, but the movie isn't a disaster. It's worth a look at some point in your life. You'd probably be better off waiting for the DVD, though. You'll be able to skip through the slow parts that way. But if you just have to see it in a movie theatre, you can. It's an okay time at the movies. Nothing great but not bad.
So what do we have here? A big ass Coca-Cola sign, a hockey game in progress, gratuitous the Rock, glass smashing, a flying tooth, gratuitous excited fat guy, gratuitous penalty box easy chair, gratuitous the Rock explaining sociology, gratuitous the Rock with French fry vampire teeth, gratuitous Ashley Judd, gratuitous the Rock playing poker with hockey buddies, a bit of truth telling, gratuitous fairy summons, gratuitous worldwide fairy operation, fairy krishnas, gratuitous Stephen Merchant, gratuitous Julie Andrews, gratuitous Billy Crystal, dog bark mints, amnesia dust, a stark white flying practice room, tennis ball to the balls, gratuitous multiple interruptions, gratuitous very small the Rock being attacked by a cat, gratuitous cuddly Ashley Judd, gratuitous the Rock flushing himself down the toilet, a fairy break room, guitar shopping, gratuitous card game played for Cheese oodles, a funny "how your body works" bit, gratuitous invisibility gag, a funny little dog attack, gratuitous Seth MacFarlane, the Rock in jail, a fairy dressed up like a hockey player, another funny invisibility gag, gratuitous discussion of "fairy evolution," a fairy learner's permit, a realization that hockey is pretty goddamn violent, a giant amnesia gun, and a pretty funny ending bit involving Billy Crystal.
Best lines: "Find a dark jersey and hit it!," "And it's an incisor!," "Listen, lower your expectations, that's how you're going to be happy," "Hey, Derek, don't the kids have a piggy bank or something?," "Ooh, ooh, it looks like you picked on the wrong fairy," "Stop it! You're behaving like leprechauns!," "Fairy godmother, I have just one question: does this tutu make my butt look big?," "Never marry a leprechaun," "Ugh, I almost had a senior fairy moment," "It looks like you've been dethroned," "Well, I can see hockey's been very good to you," "Okay, big boy pounce for not wanting to talk about puberty!," "Don't touch my pouch! It's my pouch!," "You may just be the worst tooth fairy ever," "Fine, I'll be the best tooth fairy ever," "Where can I get some of that?," "I'm just here for the tooth, sir," "I'm the Tooth Fairy. Oh yeah," "You can't score if you don't take a shot," "You're not a hockey player, you're a sideshow attraction!," "Hey, old man, not bad," "You are the real tooth fairy," "I tend not to do the physical contact thing," and "Let's not get frisky."
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Despite their crazy busy schedules, Josh Duhamel and Fergie seem to be joined at the hip lately. On Tuesday, Josh was in NYC pimping When in Rome and wearing tiaras on morning shows before heading off to Sundance with the wifey in tow for The Romantics premiere that night.
