I see a lot of movies—more than most people. So many, in fact, I hardly have time to review them all. I’m often asked, “Who picks the movie you have to review?” Many are surprised when I inform them that I have free editorial reign over what I choose to review weekly.
I try to review movies that will appeal to a broad audience of readers. In choosing them, it’s safe to say that sometimes they don’t inspire 1,000 words. Here are three of which fall into that category:
“The Karate Kid”
The original “Karate Kid” is a favorite of mine. It’s a great fish-out-of-water story about a kid who moves from New York to California, gets his ass kicked and has to learn karate not just to defend himself but to learn a valuable lesson about life and friendship. Sure, it was hokey, but Pat Morita as Mr. Miyagi was excellent. And like the greatest films of the 1980s, it featured Zabka (if you have to ask, don’t bother) as the villainous Aryan who just had to be taken down a notch or two.
The remake does a nice job of taking the story and moving it to China. Ralph Maccio gets replaced with Jaden Smith (son of Will Smith) who travels east only to discover kids with cornrows get frowned upon. Soon, he’s getting the crap kicked out of him. Instead of Pat Morita, we get Jackie Chan. Most of his American films have him sputtering out broken English that is sometimes comedy, and often times barely removed from the days where Mickey Rooney would pop in some buck teeth and squint to portray “the Orientals.
I’ll say this much: Jackie Chan is an actor capable of greater depth than for which many give him credit. He has some wonderfully heartbreaking scenes, and he pretty much makes the movie watchable. As for the product of Will Smith’s sack, I am less-than enthusiastic. Sure, the kid is in shape—to an almost bizarre level. How many pre-pubescent kids look like they just completed day 89 of P90X?
I would imagine if I was 12, I would have loved this movie. As an adult, I am pretty indifferent. I was amused by its location in China. Would it have been any less successful if they would have called it “The Kung Fu Kid”? For a kid’s movie, it could have been a lot worse.
“The Last Airbender”
Speaking of a lot worse…
M Night Shyamalan, what the hell happened to you? You used to be this awesome filmmaker who knew how to create solid, well-paced thrillers. “The Sixth Sense” is a brilliant movie. “Unbreakable” and “Signs” may be uneven, but they are still excellent films. No, I didn’t care for “The Village” when I first saw it, but upon subsequent viewings, I found it more tolerable. For awhile it seemed like people were unfairly bashing Shyamalan. Turns out those people were right.
High holy hell! I can’t imagine a worse theatrical experience. Wait, I can: “Lady in the Water” and “The Happening.” Shyamalan has done a lot of creative “about face,” from “inspired genius” to “hack of the highest order,” in just over a decade. Maddening!
This big-screen adaptation of the Nickelodeon cartoon is visually stunning. But the characters who inhabit this magical world are so poorly written and directed that audiences won’t get into their story, nor care about their plight. The dialogue is so laughable, I don’t understand how the movie made it out of the editing bay. This is a career-ending moment caught in 3D.
“The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”
Unlike Shyamalan, the career of Nic Cage will not and cannot die. I’m a Nic Cage apologist. Though even I have limits. After seeing him play Big Daddy in the most excellent “Kick Ass,” it was only a matter of time before the inevitable “curse of Cage” took hold. It is scientifically impossible for Nic Cage to be in two good movies back to back. If he did, the world might crack in two.
I went into “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” assuming I was in for something miserable-to-mediocre. To be fair, it’s more mediocre than miserable. Co-star Jay Baruchel (“Tropic Thunder”) has been popping up a lot onscreen. This year alone he’s been in the romantic comedy “She’s Out of My League,” as well as voiced the lead character in the Dreamworks-animated film “How to Train Your Dragon.” He seems to be an actor who casting people love but audiences don’t. His squishy face is in a perpetual mug to the camera. He’s fine in supporting roles, but his life expectancy as a lead actor can be measured in nanoseconds—something I am now referring to as the “Michael Cera Syndrome.” I like Michael Cera, but like Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and, now, Jay Baruchel, there’s a saturation point. 2010 showed me that I’ve already had enough of Jay Baruchel. Even saying his name right now is making me wince.
Now with the summer movie season officially over, we can look back on a few cinematic tragedies (“Sex in the City 2,” I’m looking at you), some greats (“Scott Pilgrim,” “Inception”), a few good ones (“Iron Man 2,” “Predators,” “A Team”) and far more 3D than any one person should be forced to witness.
If I was grading the summer 2010 movie season, I’d give it a C+. Better than average but very little to celebrate.
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